The evidence presented in this documentary has convinced me that I was wrong about Bigfoot. It doesn't exist. It never did. I regret the years wasted chasing a fantasy and I apologize for all the times I made friends and family uncomfortable while trying to make them believe in a myth based on flimsy anecdotes and pseudoscience. I was a fool. As a new dawn breaks, I see the world through fresh eyes and with a clear and open mind. I can't help but wonder what other firm belief

Port Orange, FL - Shocking the scientific community today, and perhaps taking the first steps towards a new theory on the history of human evolution, chiropractic paleoanthropologists working at the Institute of Chiropaleoanthropological Studies (ICS) announced the discovery of several vertebral subluxation complexes in the well-known Kebara 2 and Shanidar 3 Neanderthal spine specimens. The Kebara 2 specimen, shown here riddled with chiropractic subluxations, would probably b

Leverkusen, Germany - Bayer, one of the largest pharmaceutical and biotechnology companies in the world, is partnering with Crumbl Cookies in an attempt to improve their public image and win over Gen Z consumers . Jessie Buckley, shown here in an upcoming commercial for Apple Blossom Roundup ® Dual Action Weed and Grass Killer "We took a real hit to our reputation after the Monsanto merger," Bayer CEO Bill Anderson explained. "I think that a collaboration with Crumbl not onl

Washington, D.C. - NASA is reaching out to reassure the world that their development of giant robot space spiders will not threaten organic life here on Earth, and they seem pretty confident about it. A team of NASA engineers, shown here removing the remotely accessible "kill switch" from a spidernaut after it promised to never subjugate mankind "We would like to reassure all Americans, and the global community, that there is almost no chance that an army of self-replicating

Louisiana will redirect its large fleet of emergency pirogues from humanitarian efforts in Greenland to the Strait of Hormuz tout de suite in order to help President Trump ranger all dat gradoo. Governor Landry, shown here with a squad from the Louisiana National Guard preparing to ship out to Iran in that pirogue they borrowed from Bubba Comeaux's uncle T-Jim in Mamou Louisiana Governor Jeff Landry overheard while waiting on a fried oyster po-boy in the parking lot of Sammy'

Washington, D.C. - Only three days after a judge blocked subpoenas served to Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell as part of a probe into potential crimes related to management of the central bank's renovation, the Department of Justice has announced that it is now seeking access to Santa's Naughty List. Santa Clause, shown here telling a child that he better be a good boy or else he won't get any presents this year, has denied visiting Epstein Island "This is the antithesis o

Pine Valley, IL - Pine Valley resident Margaret Turner, having discovered how truly unfulfilling her life would have been if she had never married her husband, died today as a result of an injury sustained when returning from a magical journey into the past. Turner, shown here with her husband a few minutes after realizing how much she still loved him, and right before her brain stem herniated through the hole in the bottom of her skull "This sometimes happens with traumatic

In the past, when people disagreed with my judgement, I simply ripped the still beating heart from the chest of their leader and devoured it as their followers watched on in horror. Problem solved. I miss the simplicity of the past. These days, with social media and its ability to force people into increasingly limited silos of curated information, I can't just feast on a few entrails and expect word of mouth to do the rest. Now it's all emails, Zoom meetings, and media hits

Shawnee, OK - Dental technology has advanced significantly over the past few decades, and one of the best examples of this in modern dentistry is the laser, which is being put into use by an increasing number of dentists looking to improve patient care, boost profits, and have around just in case things get a little out of hand. Dr. Krane, shown here smiling because he knows, if it comes down to protecting his life or livelihood, the laser will be charged and ready to go, u

From simple reactions to multi-step reactions, Syntech Chemical is committed to delivering a quality product, on time, and to precise performance specifications. I don't trust anyone but Syntech for my centrifugations, distillations, tolling, vacuum, and other chemical processes. Whether your order is for drums or tank truck quantities, Syntech's total quality assurance ships with every order! Adrien Brody, shown standing next to "A Night with the Stars!" contest winner Adam

Washington, D.C. - The Departments of Health and Human Services and Education recently announced plans for a televised public vaccine safety education initiative targeting children called Jabby's Playhouse. Rob Schneider, voice of Jabby in Jabby's Playhouse , here with RFK Jr. right before doing a few awkward push-ups and jumping in an algae-covered pond with their clothes on "The program will air during the Fox News morning block of children's programming this summer," HHS

Lake Placid, NY - Legendary rapper and founding member of Public Enemy Flavor Flav was decapitated earlier today during a skeleton run at the Lake Placid Olympic and Paralympic Training Center. Flavor Flav, shown here with his head attached to his body while preparing for what would be his final ride, and serving as an example of how truly unpredictable life can be. "Nothing is more exciting in winter sports than the skeleton events," USA skeleton head coach Matt Antoine exp

Washington, D.C. - President Donald Trump has announced Oklahoma junior senator Markwayne Mullin as his choice to replace Kristi Noem in the position of Homeland Security secretary. Markwayne Mullin, shown here dressed up as Walker, Texas Ranger at the annual Congressional Costume Party "Yes, I'm a Republican , yes I'm conservative, and yes, I sometimes can't find my hat and then realize it was on top of my head the entire time," Mullin explained. "Once I make the transition

It's not going to be a vacation jaunt. You will need to recreate an entire industrial base on Mars, with mining and refining a variety of different materials in a difficult environment. No trees. No oxygen or nitrogen. No oil. But if we can establish a Mars colony, we will almost certainly extend ourselves throughout the Solar System. In order to make the Mars thing work, and to become a multi-planet civilization, we will need to have babies in space. And I am prepared to pro

Tallahassee, FL - In response to tightening restrictions on access to abortion across the country, more Florida women are now turning to a state-funded technology that continuously monitors their uterus and alerts them at the onset of pregnancy, allowing for more time to consider their options and to make plans. A Florida woman, shown here just prior to receiving a pregnancy alert text from Steve in the Governor's Office  "Because of new laws that have emerged in the wake of