Bentonville, AK - Though Thanksgiving may be only one day in the rear view mirror, many families are already thinking ahead to Christmas and are worried about putting together a festive feast that won't break the bank. Can you say...stress? From cooking to decorating to that cool uncle who won't stop talking about how amazing our President is, every step of the way is full of obstacles. You can say stress...again! A man, shown here preparing a family meal. What's that? Didn't

Washington, D.C. - Vice President (of America) JD Vance explained Thursday that a surge in illegal immigration sent available reservations plummeting - putting the American Dream of a table at a nice restaurant out of reach for many. Normal human JD Vance, shown here eating a typical human meal that he ordered himself like a real American "A lot of young people are saying that they can't find a table at any of the really good places to eat," Vance explained during a recent i

Studio City, CA - The Hallmark Channel has announced that it will be moving forward with plans to create even more inclusive programming in 2026, with a major focus on niche societal subcultures, in order to revitalize an aging viewer base. Hallmark's Throuple Trouble , a romance about three gay witches who move to Salem to open a Halloween themed vegan bakery, will air next year around Thanksgiving I couldn't be more proud of the progress that the Hallmark Channel has made o

Washington, D.C. - According to a new Bureau of Economic Analysis report, a controversial effort to boost sales by giving free fentanyl to children on Halloween has resulted in yet another huge financial loss for the nation's drug dealers. Actress Sydney Sweeney, shown here talking to a group of middle schoolers about forced sterilization of intellectually impaired women "If someone had told me two weeks ago that hiding fentanyl in Halloween candy for children still wouldn't

Washington, D.C. - President Trump on Tuesday named the first national magnet czar in a move to focus efforts on improving our understanding of the mysterious objects as scientists around the world remain baffled and manufacturers continue to incorporate them into an ever-increasing variety of technological marvels without knowing what they are or how they work. President Trump, shown here nearly taken down by...magnets? We can't know for sure because they are so mysterious.

Davenport, IA - A growing number of chiropractors, historically associated with care of the spine , are specializing in teeth and looking to unseat doctors of dentistry as the go-to experts in oral health. 12,000-year-old Algerian cave painting of an early chiropractor treating a patient with tertiary grimp by correcting a subluxation of the 10th thoracic vertebra "Teeth are a lot like bones," Frank Grimes, a chiropractor who specializes in dental care, explained. "The only r