Arlington, VA - Mr. Snuffles, the last remaining gerbil employed by the United States military during World War 2, died this week at the age of 82. Mr. Snuffles, shown here behind a bear in 1944, had over one hundred confirmed battlefield kills "I'll never forget that furry little bastard," Stam Costello, an infantryman who stormed the beaches at Normandy alongside Mr. Snuffles as part of the United States Small Mammal Division, revealed. "A German soldier had me in his sight

Washington, D.C. - Several letters written to Santa by Dr. Anthony Fauci are now in the hands of Republicans that have today held him in contempt of Congress after refusing to answer questions about his actions during the COVID-19 pandemic at a hearing last week. A young Anthony Fauci, shown here planning to one day use the cover of a pandemic to achieve his ultimate goal of a never-ending vacation for schoolchildren everywhere "This is some real sick and twisted stuff," U.S.

Itasca, IL - Drawing on their years of intense academic and clinical experience, more pediatricians are expanding into acute animal care and, in some cases, serving as primary animal care providers for a wide variety of species in addition to human children. A certified veterinary pediatrician, shown here treating a dog (Albus Dumbledog) and a child (Lance Dumbledog) with strep throat and canine distemper virus "Pediatric education and training is equivalent to veterinary sch

New York - Described by many as a nightmare scenario for the 8.5 million New York citizens, several other major U.S. cities have overcome key technological hurdles in bagel production and may soon be able to produce their own version of the popular yeasted wheat bread rolls. A bagel scientist in Pittsburgh, shown here proudly attempting to make a bagel by using boiling milk to gelatinize the dough prior to baking "I certainly didn't expect to see this in my lifetime," bagel h