Trump Announces Pick for New Homeland Security Secretary

Washington, D.C. - President Donald Trump has announced Oklahoma junior senator Markwayne Mullin as his choice to replace Kristi Noem in the position of Homeland Security secretary.

Markwayne Mullin, shown here dressed up as Walker, Texas Ranger at the annual Congressional Costume Party

"Yes, I'm a Republican, yes I'm conservative, and yes, I sometimes can't find my hat and then realize it was on top of my head the entire time," Mullin explained. "Once I make the transition from the Senate to the Cabinet, my focus will be on developing a deep understanding of the position, beginning with asking my staff what DHS means."

Mullin, known for his tough guy persona and fierce defense of Trump administration efforts to detain and deport undocumented immigrants, has little patience for political theater. According to the former mixed martial arts fighter and father of six, ICE agents have a difficult but very important job. "They are the real American heroes. They keep us safe but they're just regular folks that put on their pants one leg at a time just like me. It goes pants first, then shoes. Socks go on before shoes. I put my hat on first though. Speaking of, has anyone seen my hat?"