Davenport, IA - According to a recently published survey, virtually no American chickens are receiving regular chiropractic care despite recommendations from leading experts in the field of complementary and alternative veterinary healthcare . Dr. Grimes, shown here treating a chicken suffering from total spinal collapse (Accordion syndrome) "These results are extremely disappointing," Chiropractor Frank Grimes explained. "This means there are more than 9 billion chickens at

Lafayette, LA- Despite a weekend training course and several weeks of real world experience in the use of hand puppets and key jingling, JCPenney photographer JoAnne Milton was unable to stop 3-month-old Jessica Ayer's crying long enough to take a family portrait earlier today. Jessica Ayers, shown here just prior to becoming a vessel for the Dark Lord Satan "I just don't know what happened in there," Ms. Milton explained to a select panel of government officials and represen

Itasca, IL - A group of pediatric philosophers and psychologists with the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) Section on Breastfeeding (SOBr) are recommending an update to the Apgar score system used to assess the health of newborns immediately after birth, with the hope of increasing focus on infant bonding. A newborn human, shown here screaming into the void of a seemingly meaningless existence even as he yearns desperately for the slightest sense of connection to somethi