St. Louis, MO - A mob of angry pet owners, shocked by the discovery of unhealthy ingredients like chicken by-product meal and corn gluten meal in their regular dog food, stormed the headquarters of several pet food companies today, leaving hundreds dead. It takes several podlings, like the one shown here volunteering to help Blue Buffalo scientists create a healthier dog food, to equal the amount of life-sustaining essence from just one gelfling "This is unacceptable, just un

Albuquerque, NM - Proponents of the ancient Chinese needle-based therapy known as acupuncture are rejoicing after the publication of a study investigating its use in patients with catastrophic penetrating neck wounds. Traditional Chinese ear acupuncture, shown here being used on a healthy 25-year-old man with a headache to prevent total organ failure from meningococcemia, may also slow death from exsanguination by a few seconds after taking a knife to the carotid artery "We c

Cincinnati, OH - Proctor & Gamble, the multinational consumer goods company behind the popular Swiffer brand, has announced the roll out of a new line of easy-to-use cleaning products geared towards medical spa-grade detoxification in the comfort of your own home. Lurninda Conrad was unable to turn 90 degrees prior to cleansing her innards with the Swiffer Bissel Steamboost enema attachment. "We've spent nearly two hundred years focused on producing the best cleaning and per