Washington, D.C. - Vice President (of America) JD Vance explained Thursday that a surge in illegal immigration sent available reservations plummeting - putting the American Dream of a table at a nice restaurant out of reach for many. Normal human JD Vance, shown here eating a typical human meal that he ordered himself like a real American "A lot of young people are saying that they can't find a table at any of the really good places to eat," Vance explained during a recent i

Studio City, CA - The Hallmark Channel has announced that it will be moving forward with plans to create even more inclusive programming in 2026, with a major focus on niche societal subcultures, in order to revitalize an aging viewer base. Hallmark's Throuple Trouble , a romance about three gay witches who move to Salem to open a Halloween themed vegan bakery, will air next year around Thanksgiving I couldn't be more proud of the progress that the Hallmark Channel has made o

Washington, D.C. - According to a new Bureau of Economic Analysis report, a controversial effort to boost sales by giving free fentanyl to children on Halloween has resulted in yet another huge financial loss for the nation's drug dealers. Actress Sydney Sweeney, shown here talking to a group of middle schoolers about forced sterilization of intellectually impaired women "If someone had told me two weeks ago that hiding fentanyl in Halloween candy for children still wouldn't