"This is Unfair!": Trump Calls for DOJ to Investigate Another Local Election

Belvidere, Nebraska (KN) - President Donald Trump called for the criminal prosecution of the Democratic candidate running for Village Board Chairperson in Belvidere on Friday after revelations that she appears to be a fundamentally good person.

Candidate Myrna Miller, shown here baking with grandson Mervis, tragically born with a cabbage head because her daughter-in-law prefers Sara Lee to her own homemade apple pie, still treats him like a normal boy and lets him gnaw on all the leftover peels

"I think she should be prosecuted," President Trump said about Myrna Miller, a grandmother whose peach cobbler has won the town bake-off a record 54 times in a row. "Miller should suffer the legal and political consequences for what she has done, which is nothing. She hasn't done a damn thing to anybody."

Knudsen's News has obtained text messages between members of Miller's campaign and several residents of the small town of 98 people discussing a variety of topics, like a recent clothing drive for wayward teens and how she went to check on Randy Watson since he has been down in the dumps after his chicken taco casserole stand went out of business. She did not respond to a message seeking comment today, on account of Friday being the day she tutors the Watkins kids ever since they were told to stay home until they got treated for that boll weevil infestation.

Though Miller is widely regarded as pure-hearted and exceptionally kind, some experts are questioning her campaign's integrity. Mack Black Jr., a conservative legal scholar who recently split with the dominant MAGA faction of the Republican party over Trump's decision to legally change the name of all firstborn male children to Donald, believes that she is pushing up against certain ethical boundaries by being a good person. "Regardless, it isn't illegal. Absolutely nothing in Nebraska state law forbids a qualified and decent individual from running for office."

Trump is questioning the assumption that state laws should play a role in local elections, and claiming that the declaration of a candidacy as a good person is "an intentional act meant to confuse or mislead and to thereby compromise the ballot's fairness or neutrality." He is counting on the Nebraska Supreme Court to agree and to intervene. And, if they don't, he may have no choice but to release the Supreme Court of the United States.