Recent Harvest Supermoon Leaves Hospitals Reeling, Thousands Dead

Boston, MA - The "harvest moon", sometimes known as the "barley moon" or "corn puddin' moon", is the full moon nearest to the autumnal equinox and, at least historically, has been a welcome celestial event for farmers working to complete the year's harvest. But the harvest moon that occurred on October 6th was also the first supermoon of 2025. Hospitals, and the medical professionals that dedicate their lives to caring for the ill and infirm, are still reeling after a chaotic and deadly night.

President Trump, shown here pointing at the sky while warning the country about the dangers of the supermoon in American medical facilities

"A supermoon is when a full moon occurs at its nearest point to the Earth," Mort Fishman, a medical doctor and Chief of Lunar Effects in NASA's Space Medicine Division, explained. "This results in a larger and fuller moon with a more powerful impact on human physiology and psychology. I remember one time in residency during a supermoon when a guy seized so hard his head exploded. Yeah, it literally popped like a balloon. There was blood and chunks of brain everywhere!"

Stories of gruesome supermoon-related fatalities have been flooding in since Monday night. One hospital in Boise was forced to evacuate after patients in the psychiatry ward escaped and went on a murderous rampage, with one discovered eating a comatose patient in the ICU. A birthing center in Nashville reported at least one fetus clawing its way out of a mother's abdomen and scurrying into the air duct system after killing an obstetrician, two labor nurses, and a doula. Early estimates put the number of these deaths in the thousands.

Unfortunately, hospitals will not have much time to recover or to prepare before facing additional hardships. According to Fishman, this was the first of three back-to-back supermoons expected this year. "I'm encouraging hospital administrations to take this threat very seriously. Though nothing is going to keep everyone in the hospital on those nights alive, and some are going to go in a really, really bad way, precautions should be put in place to at least try and keep the bloodshed to a minimum. But I still want people to take some time to go out and look at the moon because it's going to be beautiful."