U.S. Formally Withdraws from United Federation of Planets

Washington, D.C. - One day after withdrawing from the World Health Organization, the United States has now also officially left the United Federation of Planets (UFP).

White House homeland security advisor Stephen Miller, a human-Ferengi hybrid, shown here politely waiting his turn to bear spray a newborn in the face

"This was not a decision made lightly," Chief of Space Operations General Bradley Chance Saltzman explained. "But it was a decision that reflected the UFP's failure to deal with the bureaucratic bloat, entrenched paradigms, conflicts of interest, and intragalactic power politics that have plagued many legacy institutions."

The UFP, commonly referred to simply as the Federation, is a supranational interstellar union of more than a hundred planetary political entities operating semi-autonomously under a single central government. According to President Trump during keynote remarks at the 2026 World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, the decision to break with the Federation is permanent. "Have you seen these guys, with the crazy ridges on their faces and the pointy ears, and some of them are green or blue. It's weird, right? And what are they doing to do about it? Shoot us with their phasers and photon torpedoes? I have two words for these aliens: Golden Dome."

During the speech, President Trump also announced the formation of a Board of Interstellar Peace. The Klingon and Romulan Empires, Borg Collective, the Dominion, Khan, Q, Gul Dukat, and Data's evil brother Lore have been invited to join so far. The board will be permanently chaired by Trump, and then Trump's brain once his body has fully decomposed.

The United Federation of Planets was unable to be reached for comment.