Philadelphia, PA- Chaos broke out today at the studios of WHYY-FM in Philadelphia when a caller refused to turn down his radio resulting in a tear in the very fabric of space and time, and the death or disappearance of hundreds of studio employees.
“I don’t know what the heck happened over there”, Rick from Tuscon explained. “One minute I’m asking that guy from Ted Lasso where he got his motivation from and then suddenly all hell is breaking loose.”
Scientists are scrambling to piece together what may have happened, and are thus far baffled as to why many of the people working at WHYY-FM that day are now dead or missing without a trace. Theoretical physicist Michio Kaku of the City University of New York believes that there are a number of possible explanations. “The infinite feedback loop caused by the callers radio may have somehow elevated the harmonics of the missing individuals, carrying them fully, or perhaps only partially, into a higher dimension. Also this may just be a big coincidence and a black hole simply formed in the middle of the building. This isn't an exact science.”
Maggi Leyden, Executive director of Donor Relations at WHYY-FM and one of the few survivors of the horrific event, remains hopeful about the future of public radio. “I can’t say that I’ll ever truly get over seeing Dave Davies being ripped in half at the waist, but I can say that now would be the perfect time for listeners out there to support their local NPR stations. Unfortunately all our tote bags are covered in liquefied interns.”
This is why I don't use my cellphone on planes.