Manhasset, NY - With Christmas in the books and New Year's right around the corner, analysts are predicting a lull in the long-running War on Christmas that has raged between people pushing a secular agenda in America, mostly made up of atheists and communists living in woke 15-minute coastal cities, and upstanding Christian citizens.
Over the many years since the fighting began, January has been a time of regrouping and of rethinking strategies. Civilians across the United States take advantage of the temporary ceasefire to shop at businesses such as Walmart and JoAnn Fabrics without fear of being gunned down for uttering the wrong holiday greeting at passersby. And these same businesses are able to emerge from under the grim shadow of open and deadly warfare, no longer at risk of being bombed for selling Christmas Trees as opposed to Holiday Firs.
"I for one was very pleased to hear the latest numbers," Fox News host Harris Faulkner explained. "Daily casualties are already down by almost 50% since December 25th, which typically is the bloodiest day of the year on the front lines. I certainly don't want more people to lose their lives than is absolutely necessary in this conflict, but it doesn't change the fact that if the secular commandos gain the upper hand and force religion out of our government buildings, public schools, and national parks, it is only a matter of time before proponents of the legalization of narcotics, euthanasia, abortion at will, gay dog weddings, trans birthday parties, and non-missionary position sexual intercourse overtake this once great Christian nation."
General Maynard Tubbs, leader of the secular military force's eastern division is looking forward to a lengthy pause in combat maneuvers. "Yeah, a lot of us have jobs that we have to get back to. But look for things to start back up around Thanksgiving. And I can't say too much right now, because it is all very hush hush, but let's just say that Operation Grinch is going to put an end to all of this unpleasantness."
This year there were a few skirmishes, but with Xmas and Hkah falling on the same day, most people were rendered mute.