Chiropractic Researchers Study the Moon's Impact on Human Health

Cape Canaveral, FL - Though the moon has long served as a focus of numerous myths, legends, beliefs, and conspiracy theories, scientists have yet to find convincing evidence of any significant impact on human behavior or physiology. Perhaps, that is, until now.

A highly sophisticated graph, shown here proving the benefit of chiropractic care during a full moon and that the Apollo 11 mission was obviously staged by NASA and that guy who directed The Shining

Skeptics are quick to deny the moon's role in human health, but believers, even highly trained medical professionals, are plentiful. And a variety of potential mechanisms of action for so-called "lunar effects" have been proposed over the millennia since the moon was discovered just floating up there in the sky for no obvious reason. But just how the moon might increase fertility or suicide rates, for example, remains largely a mystery.

There are far more questions than answers when it comes to the moon. What is it? How did it get way up there? Who put it there? What is the source of its light? But chiropractic researchers with the American Academy of Space Chiropractic (AASC) near Kennedy Space Center in Cape Canaveral may finally have a few answers.

"Let's face it, we don't know much about the moon," space chiropractic researcher Jill Alcabaz explained. "But that doesn't mean that we can't harness its healing powers. It would be foolish to let something as irrelevant as basic scientific plausibility stand in our way when there are literally millions of potential patients out there in need of our help."

Alcabaz and her team of experts on the human spine at the AASC set out to gain a better understanding of lunar effects a little over one Earth year ago. And what they found may change the way that Western science thinks about the moon and chiropractic healthcare. "We recruited 5,000 patients with really bad headaches to take part in the trial, which involved half of the subjects being assigned to chiropractic care during a full moon and the other half receiving a pamphlet on self-administered home chiropractic adjustments to be done on days of the month without a full moon."

The team assessed headache severity using a standard scale from one to five, with one being headache free and five being a really, really bad headache. After the year-long observation period concluded, 97% of the 42 patients who completed the study and underwent chiropractic care during a full moon either did not have a headache when filling out the survey, or their headache was a 4 or less on the severity scale. Of the remaining participants who received the instructional pamphlet, only 3 were headache free with one additional subjects having scored less than 5. When Alcabaz and her team reviewed the results, they were impressed...very impressed:

After some pretty sophisticated statistical analysis using my son's TI-80 graphing calculator, we found that combining chiropractic care with the beneficial rays of the full moon resulted in a statistically important improvement in headache severity and the likelihood that a subject's headache would resolve completely. I can't say that about the subjects who performed home adjustments. I can't...and I won't.

The results of the study aren't surprising to everyone in the chiropractic community. Frank Grimes, DC, a chiropractic practicing in Belvidere, NE for over twenty Earth years, has seen the miraculous benefits of quality chiropractic administered by a trained professional first hand. "You can't just do it at home and expect the same results. I went to school for four years to learn how to do this. I question the methodology and the ethics of this study, and I'm going to prove that you don't need a full moon to get results."

Chiropractor and outspoken lunar effects skeptic Frank Grimes, is now recruiting subjects for his "New Moon Madness" study for only $59.99 

The paper, which will be published in Online Publishing Module #917 - Family Chiropractic, Space Stuff next month, may have proven that the full moon does affect the human body, but it fails to explain how. Alcabaz has some ideas, however. "The human body is mostly comprised of water, carbon, protein, and energy. Chiropractic impacts the flow of energy and the moon causes ocean tides. I think it's pretty obvious what's going on here."