Area Toddler Put Down After Tragic Recess Injury

Beaver Dam, KY - Despite the efforts of teachers and an on-site school nurse at Beaver Dam's Children First Preschool, local 3-year-old Timmy Dean had to be put down today following a tragic double ankle sprain.

Around 2,000 racetoddlers, like the ones shown here competing at an outdoor festival in Beaver Dam last Summer, are euthanized each year in the United States

"Injuries like this are pretty unusual during morning playtime activities," Donna Krebs, an assistant teacher at Children first, explained. "We haven't had to break out the sodium pentobarbital in weeks. I understand why it has to be done, but a part of me can't help but wonder if maybe there are other options...like amputation or ankle braces."

As News of the toddler's euthanasia spreads around the close-knit community of just over 3,000, people around town have begun to voice their concerns. Tip Armstrong, a grocery bagger at the nearby Food Cow Mini Market for more than a decade, is asking whether injuries like this are really as isolated as official records show. "It's that damn playground surface. Ain't no young kids should be running that fast and hard on asphalt in this day and age. Those little legs shatter like cheap porcelain!"

Mayor Tom Chesterton is placing blame on local parents, claiming that they have been intentionally breeding lighter toddlers built for speed and efficiency rather than durability. According to the mayor, this has resulted in a steady increase in injuries occurring on the playground or during after-school activities like Soccer Tots, T-Ball Toddlers, Munchkin Movers, Little Runners, and regional MMA diaperweight division fights. "Every year it seems like these youngsters are getting skinnier with thinner bones that are more fragile and prone to catastrophic injury. Somebody really ought to do something about it."

Timmy Dean's mother, also an assistant teacher at Children First, has come to terms with the loss of her son. "Sure, I miss my boy. But what could we do? Tell him to take it easy? Tell him not to play? Toddlers live for running around and gettin' into things, and sprains like that'd take weeks to heal. Weeks!"