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Writer's pictureZoo Knudsen

Vermont Woman is Determined to Protect Kids from Halloween Fentanyl

Norwich, VT - As the specter of Halloween draws ever closer, and parents all over the United States are bracing themselves for the potential loss of one or more children to fentanyl exposure while trick-or-treating, one woman is determined to keep the body count to a minimum in her small Vermont town.


Halloween savior Linda Cook, shown here defiant in the face of a potential onslaught of fentanyl coated Halloween candy and right before masturbating to an episode of The Hallmark Channel's When Calls the Heart

"I'm not going to let even one child in my town suffer and die because those greedy drug dealers want to give their drugs away for free this Halloween," Norwich Women's Club 2020 Citizen of the Year Linda Cook explained. "That's why instead of my usual raisins and toothbrushes, I'm handing out Narcan nasal spray."


Norwich children may not be impressed by receiving a competitive mu-opioid receptor antagonist instead of a handful of their favorite fun-sized candies, but this lifesaving treat might be the only thing that stands between them and a drug dealer's deadly fentanyl-laced trick. According to police toxicologist Mort Fishman of the Miami Police Department's Halloween Threat Assessment and Response Task Force, parents need to be extra cautious this year. "Whether it's bringing your child's Halloween haul down to the station to have it tested for fentanyl by one of our highly trained detection dogs, or to the nearest emergency department to have it scanned for razor blades, there is nothing too extreme when it comes to protecting your child. Last year there were no children killed by free drugs in their candy, which makes me very nervous because that just means we're due for pile of 'em this year."

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It's the kind of citizenship so lacking in our politicians these days. Kudos to her. It makes me suspicious of her neighbors, however.

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