Some Consumers Hoard Products as Tariffs Loom

Morris, AL - As President-elect Trump's promised tariffs on goods imported from Canada and Mexico loom on the horizon, some consumers have begun to stock up on their favorite items before prices skyrocket.

Mike Singleberry, shown here learning about vaccine science from an episode of The Joe Rogan Experience, right before ordering a 50-gallon drum of maple syrup from Quebec

"I love guacamole," Trump supporter Mike Singleberry explained. "I'm buying as many crates of avocados as I can get my hands on now and just putting them down in the basement so I can have chips and guac whenever I want without breaking the bank. Wait, where do chips come from?"

Though frequently discussed by Trump as a way to influence the behavior of other counties, many Republican voters are only looking into the potential repercussions of tariffs here at home now that the election has been decided in his favor. According to 28-year-old first time voter Singleberry, the road to a better future is paved with hard work and sacrifice. "Trump didn't say that making America great again would be easy. He said that brown people were eating our cats and schools were doing sex changes on kids during recess."