Washington, D.C. - Republican lawmakers are raising concerns over the beloved American educational children's television series Sesame Street.
"This is a show for children that communicates to those children using "Muppets"," Lauren Boebert, the U.S. representative for Colorado's 3rd congressional district, explained. "Some of these "Muppets" have been alive for over fifty years. That's not natural. That's supernatural. That's the occult. That's Satan."
Not all conservative lawmakers are convinced that Big Big, Oscar, or even Bert and Ernie are malign influences on the American populace brought into corporeality by Sesame Workshop, known for decades as the Children's Television Workshop and The Children's Church of the Dark Lord in its earliest incarnation. Some, like Republican vice presidential candidate Juris Doctor Vance, believe that there is one among them who does deserve extreme caution. "Count Von Count is behind the scenes pulling the strings. Well...counting them. Counting all of them until each and every one of us is prepared for Satan's earthly kingdom through modeling, repetition, and humor."
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