Miami, FL - Experts from the Miami Police Department's Sleep Victims Unit (SVU) have issued a warning to the public over the dangers of improperly handling tryptophan during the preparation and consumption of turkey this holiday season.
"Everybody loves to have turkey served at these special occasion meals," Police somnologist and SVU Chief Mort Fishman, MD, explained. "But if you don't take the right precautions, you are going to be passed out on the couch before granny serves her famous sweet potato pie and Uncle Steve starts complaining about immigrants again."
Tryptophan is an amino acid. Though not as well-known as the bananamino and obamamino acids, amino acids function as building blocks in the formation of proteins required for a variety of important life-sustaining processes like enzyme activity, immune responses, metabolism, and watching television. Tryptophan serves an important role in cell membranes and is a biochemical precursor for melatonin, a powerful sedative found in a number of over-the-counter herbal remedies and health supplements.
The Miami Police Department's SVU was established last year when Dr. Fishman got really tired after eating six Swanson's individual turkey pot pies on an overnight stakeout. According to Fishman, he didn't want others to suffer the same fate. "I didn't wear gloves or even use a fork, I just held them in my hands and the contaminated sauce got everywhere. I'm urging anyone who comes into contact with tryptophan, even if only a small amount splatters on their skin, to bring the pot pie, or whatever the source happens to be, directly to our lab for safe analysis and disposal."
I like most foods, but I'm not a tryptophan.