Lawn Dart Manufacturers Eye Comeback Thanks to Executive Order

Washington, D.C. - Thanks to a new executive order signed by President Trump earlier this week, manufacturers of lawn darts are beginning to ramp up production of the maligned outdoor game in hopes of big profits.

President Trump, shown here signing EO 14304 "Fuck It, Lawn Darts are Back", which does away with the 1988 ban and encourages schools to incorporate the product into physical education classes

"Everyone loves lawn darts," Globodyne Industries CEO Maximus VII explained. "It's a simple yet exciting game that combines the fun of darts with the thrill of Russian Roulette, and it gets kids off their phones and touching some grass."

A popular feature of many outdoor events prior to being banned from sale in the United States, lawn darts involved groups of young children tossing large, weighted projectiles with a sharpened metal point towards a horizontal target. According to backyard game historian Marion Bungle, lawn darts were responsible for the deaths of three children and sent thousands of Americans to emergency rooms before the ban. "They exert 23,000 pounds of pressure when hitting their target, whether it's a circle placed on the ground or a child's head, which is much more than enough to penetrate the skull and puncture the brain. Which is why they were so exhilarating. The not knowing which it would be."