Evolutionary Body Language Analysts Announce Key Fossil Discovery

Near Harvard - Experts in the scientific study of the body language of fossilized remains of early humans have announced the results of an analysis of the Altamura Man, one of the most complete Paleolithic skeletons ever discovered and the source of the oldest sample of Neanderthal DNA.

Neanderthal remains found in Kebara, Israel in 1983 reveal a man with crossed arms and a head slumped forward who lacked self-esteem in social situations and was probably hiding a dark secret

"We are talking about a body language sample that is somewhere between 128,000 and 187,000 years old," evolutionary body language analyst Jolene Stamp explained. "It's like looking through a clear window into the past, and it has allowed us to develop a much more complex understanding of the lives of this closely related cousin to modern humans."

Body language analysis is the scientific investigation of the use of body motion as a means of communication. This can involve posture, gesture, stance, and movement, and is often controlled subconsciously. According to Stamp, who first achieved widespread recognition in the field when she determined that Otzi, the 5,300-year-old Copper Age human, was insecure and a bit standoffish, the results of the analysis are nothing short of revolutionary. "They lived complex lives, but lives that modern humans can relate to. Take the curling forward of his shoulders. He was looking to signal comfort and to create a sense of warmth. He's giving sincerity. He's giving party at my house after the hunt."