Skillman, NJ - American consumer health company Kenvue Inc., maker of the popular Band-Aid line of adhesive bandages, has announced that a new version incorporating the healing benefits of kinesiology tape will soon hit store shelves.
"The hardest part was figuring out how to combine the technologies safely," Kenvue CEO Thibaut Mongon explained. "You might think that adhesive bandages and adhesive tape are pretty much the same thing, but they really aren't. And I can show you the piles of dead test monkeys that prove it! Seriously, do you want to see them? Okay, okay, usually you people want to see the dead monkeys."
Kenvue is claiming that the new Band-Aid TUG 'N HEALâ„¢ adhesive bandages represent the future of the wound care industry. According to Dr. Mort Fishman, the Director of Research and Clinical Applications at Kenvue, these sterile and 100% waterproof bandages were rigorously tested and demonstrated a significant improvement in healing time compared to several other products. "We beat Scotch and Duck tape by literal days. The secret is the adhesoelastic properties that work so well for kinesiology tape in the management of musculoskeletal injuries, erectile dysfunction, and hypertrophic cardiomyopathy."
By gently, yet powerfully, lifting the skin and subcutaneous tissue surrounding a minor wound, cut, or scrape, Band-Aid TUG 'N HEALâ„¢ bandages improve blood flow to, and lymphatic drainage from, the injury while also absorbing drainage and blocking germs. Fishman, who is currently using one of the bandages he helped to develop on a deep fingernail wound to his right forearm, says that the product unlocks the body's natural healing power. "Oh, this? Monkey got me. He's at the top of the pile if you want to see it. No? Your loss."
Those monkeys got what they deserve!