Area Woman's Birth Plan Revolutionizes Hospital Childbirth

Newton, MA - When expectant mother Sincy Bastion arrived at Newton-Wellesley Hospital last week with a birth plan that she had developed along with her husband and doula, hospital staff were understandably reluctant to allow an untrained lay person to dictate management of a medical procedure. But after reading the plan, the nurses and physicians involved in Bastion's care realized that this was no ordinary patient request. In fact, what they discovered will revolutionize hospital childbirth and forever change the course of human history.

Hospital birthing ward shown here having already incorporated the birthing hammock into standard delivery policy as dictated in The Plan

"Reading that birth plan was a career...no, a life changing experience." Obstetrician Mort Fishman explained. "It's very humbling when you realize that you have been wrong as a physician, especially after practicing for as long as I have. I'll never approach the delivery of a non-aborted human fetus using those outdated methods ever again. I have opened my heart to The Plan now. The Plan is the way to true salvation."

Bastion's birth plan, which has been laminated and tacked onto a wall in the nurse break room so that future generations of medical professionals can learn from its teachings, details a comprehensive and natural approach to the birthing process. Experts like Fishman are predicting that long after the demise of our current civilization, probably at the hand of sentient robots or a mutated squirrel virus, The Plan will emerge as a unifying force.

Throughout the confederation of city states and the independent enclaves of humanity's remnants, and even among the handful of demihuman villages struggling to survive in a world forged by the great cataclysm, what with the toxic water and air that is barely breathable, and the roaming mutant insect-reptile hybrids, The Plan will serve as a source of both technical instruction for future childbirth and as a blueprint for post-apocalyptic religious belief.

The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology (ACOG) has already set in motion plans to disband as an organization out of intense regret and shame. While practicing obstetricians will not yet be required by law to abide by The Plan's birth preferences, it is estimated that roughly 80% will immediately alter their practice in response. The rest will be swept up for reeducation in the coming enforcement purges. Many hospitals around the country are already implementing new policies and procedures, and High Priests and Priestesses of the Church of the Blessed Natural Birth, such as Dr. Fishman, are going out into the community to share The Plan's pacifier-free vision of peace, harmony, and labor hammocks.