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Writer's pictureZoo Knudsen

A Tense Standoff with Canada Continues as Massive Faucet Remains Stuck

Washington, D.C. - Relations between the United States and Canada remain at an all-time low as the Biden administration continues to balk at loaning our "neighbor to the north" our good giant wrench.


Prime Minister Trudeau, shown here at a press conference explaining that they already sent back the gigantic hedge clippers and that the United States must have let Mexico borrow them

"Frankly I did not expect such stubbornness from the White House," Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau explained. "For every day that our massive faucet remains stuck, there are millions of gallons of water going straight into the Pacific Ocean instead of potentially being made available for California's cities and farms as part of a meaningful renegotiation the Boundary Waters Treaty."


Despite such optimistic language from Trudeau, experts with the State Department are questioning both Canada's intentions and their past record on returning borrowed stuff. According to Secretary of State Antony Blinken, Canada would need to make a substantial gesture of good faith before the United States would consider the loaning of our very large wrench. "This is a non-starter unless we get back both our enormous hedge clippers and the First Lady's huge casserole dish."

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