Washington, D.C. - Backed by emerging research from the Department of Health and Human Services and a keen focus on his America first agenda, President Trump has signed an executive order that changes the name of measles to "Freedom Bumps". HHS secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., shown here explaining the role of the Bermuda Triangle in chronic inflammation "It's a perfect name because that's what they are when you think about it," President Trump explained from his personal med

[The following is a paid advertisement from Pointless Lives Atheist Productions. The views presented do not necessarily reflect those of Zoo Knudsen or of Knudsen's News.] Atheist child Ratchet McCoy, played by militant evangelical Christian child Clank Burberry, shown in a scene from The Valley prior to the character realizing the utter uselessness of dreaming of a better life The Valley is a new atheist movie starring Glance Hudson, who played the third bartender in the st

Washington, D.C. - The FDA issued a warning today over certain food products sold in the United States potentially being contaminated with evil, some of which may be pure and fully concentrated. A team of FDA inspectors, shown here testing a cauldron for any traces of evil "We can't say for certain which products may have been contaminated," acting FDA Commissioner Kyle Diamantas explained. "The office that handled this kind of thing was shut down last year. But what I can te