[The following is a paid advertisement from Pointless Lives Atheist Productions. The views presented do not necessarily reflect those of Zoo Knudsen or of Knudsen's News.] Atheist child Ratchet McCoy, played by militant evangelical Christian child Clank Burberry, shown in a scene from The Valley prior to the character realizing the utter uselessness of dreaming of a better life The Valley is a new atheist movie starring Glance Hudson, who played the third bartender in the st

Washington, D.C. - The FDA issued a warning today over certain food products sold in the United States potentially being contaminated with evil, some of which may be pure and fully concentrated. A team of FDA inspectors, shown here testing a cauldron for any traces of evil "We can't say for certain which products may have been contaminated," acting FDA Commissioner Kyle Diamantas explained. "The office that handled this kind of thing was shut down last year. But what I can te

Hollywood, CA - Hot off of the success of Obsession, the surprise blockbuster released earlier this year that has grossed more than $500 million on a $750,000 budget, American filmmaker Curry Barker has revealed plans for a survival thriller film based on Jessica McClure, popularized as "Baby Jessica", and the events surrounding her becoming trapped in a well on October 14, 1987. President George H. W. Bush, who has denied any involvement, shown here laughing with Baby Jessic