Tallahassee, FL - In response to tightening restrictions on access to abortion across the country, more Florida women are now turning to a state-funded technology that continuously monitors their uterus and alerts them at the onset of pregnancy, allowing for more time to consider their options and to make plans. A Florida woman, shown here just prior to receiving a pregnancy alert text from Steve in the Governor's Office  "Because of new laws that have emerged in the wake of

In light of today's events, we at FIFA must consider possibly revoking the inaugural Peace Prize awarded to President Trump in December. At the very least, we will think about putting a hold on plans to bestow upon the president a permanent designation as FIFA Prince of Peace. Oops! That was supposed to be a surprise for his birthday party. Don't tell him you guys! Infantino, shown here awarding Salt Bae the inaugural FIFA World's Best Beef award in 2022 FIFA President Gianni

Washington, D.C. - In an unprecedented move, President Trump has now officially called on the United States Ultimate Court for a decision after the Supreme Court struck down his extensive global tariffs last week. Vice-President JD Vance, shown here being told that the Ultimate Court requires a human sacrifice to appear, and right before everyone in the room turns and looks at him "This has never happened before," Federal Judicial Center director Robin Rosenberg explained. "W