Washington, D.C. - After an overnight announcement by President Trump, Washington insiders are now saying that plans are in motion to erect a statue in honor of elite forensic psychiatrist and Baltimore socialite Hannibal Lecter on White House grounds. Pennywise the Dancing Clown, shown here being told that he will not be receiving a Presidential Medal of Freedom this year "It is probably going to be placed on the south side of the grounds," an anonymous source who asked for

"Nobody ever wants to talk about the people that Mr. Lecter didn't murder. Or eat for that matter. Nobody ever wants to give him any credit for all the times he just had a big salad." Senator Lankford, shown here reassuring homeless LGBTQ+ Americans that the flames of Hell will keep them warm for eternity James Lankford, senior U.S. senator from Oklahoma, during a recent press conference following the announcement of a national Hannibal Lecter memorial by President Trump .

Health A team of surgeons and nurses, shown here using masks and sterile protective gear despite the extremely low risk of catching COVID-19 For almost everyone, the days of pandemic-related masking and social distancing are in the rearview mirror. In some hospitals, however, you might think you were walking down a hallway in 2020 rather than 2026. Some medical professionals are still taking extreme measures to avoid infections. When surgeons at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in