White House Announces Major Liberty Island Renovation Project Update

Washington, D.C. - The White House has announced plans to further update aging Liberty Island infrastructure that will now include the Statue of Liberty Museum, sculpture garden, and pedestrian walkways, as well as the construction of a giant husband to accompany the Statue of Liberty.

A husbandless Statue of Liberty, overcome with loneliness and incapable of protecting America from giant monsters

"This is turning out to be a really big project," National Park Service director Jessica Bowron explained. "In addition to the work already underway on the foundation for Lady Liberty, we will now be improving the lighting, refreshing the garden areas, and installing a 120-foot tall Mr. Liberty in keeping with President Trump's Restoring Truth and Sanity to American History executive order."

First announced in 2022, plans to rehabilitate the terreplein of the historic Fort Wood, which serves as the base for the statue, were to involve replacement of the stone walking surface, repair of masonry and structural issues on the exterior staircases and supporting slab, installation of a waterproof barrier, and correction of drainage problems. According to Bowron, the addition of a husband for the Statue of Liberty is long overdue and just makes sense from a historical perspective. "A single woman moving to America and supporting herself without the help of a husband? That didn't represent American family values in 1886 and it doesn't today."

Though not officially involved in the planning, President Trump discussed his thoughts on the project with the press earlier today. Demonstrating a deep grasp of technology and a hopeful vision for the future, Trump hopes that the new statue will serve as a shining example of American ingenuity that will inspire future generations. "I'm guessing maybe robot. Maybe one that can fight robots from other countries if necessary. And of course we have to be ready for the kaiju."