More Parents Frustrated by Lack of Internet Connectivity in Newborns

Belvidere, NE- When Myrtle and Angus Rose welcomed their first child into the world last month, they scanned every inch of their nearly twelve pound baby for imperfections using an app on their smartphone. And like many parents, they were pleased to find a vigorous and plump baby with ten fingers, ten toes, and a normal sized penis perfect for incorporating into a birth announcement for their friends on Instagram. But joy quickly turned to confusion and frustration when they were unable to locate their newborn son's USB port.

Increasing numbers of perfectly acceptable but non-internet compatible newborns are being put up for adoption by late generation millennial and Gen Z parents

"I don't mean to sound disappointed or ungrateful," Mr. Rose explained while filming a video for TikTok. "But I don't know how I'm even going to interact with him. We're happy that he came out wireless, but there doesn't seem to be any way to access his features at all, just regular holes and an intermittent high pitched emission from what I think is its heat sink."

The Roses aren't the only parents struggling to communicate with their new arrivals as they begin to have children. Having grown up with total immersion in post-internet life, many Zillennials, those late generation millennials and early Gen Z adults, are having difficulty grasping that their newborn is another human being rather than a new peripheral for their smart phone. Many physicians, like pediatrician Dr. Mort Fishman, are being forced to adapt to parenting concerns that would have been unheard of just a few years ago. "They keep asking me what their baby's WiFi password is and how to set up a WPAN. But these little guys don't come with an instruction manual or a user agreement. That's good right? Use that one."