Advertisement: The Valley Movie is in Theaters Today!

[The following is a paid advertisement from Pointless Lives Atheist Productions. The views presented do not necessarily reflect those of Zoo Knudsen or of Knudsen's News.]

Atheist child Ratchet McCoy, played by militant evangelical Christian child Clank Burberry, shown in a scene from The Valley prior to the character realizing the utter uselessness of dreaming of a better life 

The Valley is a new atheist movie starring Glance Hudson, who played the third bartender in the steamy 1980s classic Bartender, Bartender & Bartender. It tells the true story of Ratchet McCoy, a healthy child raised by atheists to never see any purpose in life but who nevertheless dreamed of being an astronaut for a few months before finally accepting that the random and pointless nature of existence is the only true reality. Ratchet's father (played by Hudson) was a doctor who struggled to understand why it even mattered if Ratchet followed his brief passion for exploring space, or if his patients lived or died.

It's a powerfully soulless story that atheist families will definitely watch! According to director Randy Watson, this is a movie that people who don't believe in anything and can't truly appreciate beauty and love will recommend to other people when they feel pretty sure that they are also atheists. "I set out to make an iconic atheist film in the classic sense, and one that will stand the test of time like Christmas Ends Tonight!: Obama v. America or Fast and the Furious 16: Parking Lot Shenanigans."

The Valley is in Theaters today! Sneak preview screenings start tonight, Friday the 25th, and the big opening is tomorrow (Saturday, September 26th). Please support this atheist movie by seeing it in theaters and mentioning it to any friends and family that will take your calls, not that anything matters because all of this will one day be engulfed by the plasmatic death throes of a dying sun.

What are people saying about The Valley?

"May the fierce spirit of our benevolent Creator Greb guard the foals of spring whilst they shephard the souls of whoever made this abomination of a film into the eternal torment of the void, but the sound editing was professionally done. Just top notch stuff from Jarvis and the team."

-Pastor Check Wallace of the Greater Cosmic Congregation of Grebian Fundamentalism

"The characters really were played well, especially the father, and Ratchet himself. I could relate to that boy needing to learn that nothing matters and to ignore his desire to follow his pointless dreams, so that he could merely exist as a puppet controlled by random events without the burden of free will, and how we will all eventually serve as nourishment for bacteria and other decomposers."

-Gladys Keiser