Advertisement: Hey Kids, Do You Have Low-T?

[The following is a paid advertisement from Globodyne Industries. The views presented do not necessarily reflect those of Zoo Knudsen or of Knudsen's News.]

TestoBoost! for Teens™

The Only Testosterone Replacement Therapy Made Just for Teen Boys!

Are you a teenage boy with fears of a below average sperm count? Are worries about your fertility impacting your Fortnite performance or preventing you from establishing a satisfying heterosexual relationship? Are you overwhelmed by feelings of inadequacy in a society full of virile elderly men like Harrison Ford and Jeff Bridges?

You may have low testosterone!

Alpha male Harrison Ford, shown here in a scene from Star Wars: Revenge of All Those Droids, has the testosterone of 15 standard American teenage boys coursing through his sexy and powerful veins

According to top science men, like Health and Human Services Secretary and total dreamboat Robert F. Kennedy Jr., low testosterone in adolescent boys is a threat to the very existence of the human species:

The typical 71-year-old man just walking around his Malibu mansion or his new $5 million home in Georgetown has orders of magnitude more sperm than the average teenage boy. And he can probably bench press a lot more too! Because testosterone makes you strong and your sperm strong. But boys these days hardly have any sperm left!

What is causing this epidemic of masculinity insufficiency in older boys? According to Kennedy, today's modern food is full of unhealthy synthetic dyes made from petroleum. That's right, kids today are essentially eating gasoline. And he is determined to get their sperm counts up so that they can get started making powerful American babies with small hands and fingers that can fit into those hard to reach areas to more efficiently replace important mechanical parts in the glorious economy of the future.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr., shown here testifying to Congress that though he has six children, he has more than just six sperm. A lot more.

At Globodyne, we couldn't be prouder to partner with Secretary Kennedy in the development of TestoBoost! for Teens™, the first oral testosterone replacement therapy (TRT) for teen boys that comes in a convenient and delicious gummy formulation. But don't take our word for it. Just ask the man himself:

Adolescence is a unique period of transition from childhood into adulthood. Their bodies are changing a lot. You wouldn't give a boy his grandmother's heart pills, so why should they take an adult testosterone replacement? It just doesn't make any sense. That's why I fully endorse this product, and I would even if they didn't pay me to do it. They do though.

TestoBoost! for Teens™ is the first and only TRT designed specifically with the teenage reproductive system in mind. It works with their body, not against it. And it won't cause random embarrassing erections at school, so they can keep mine crafting, watching Joe Rogan, and supporting Donald Trump like good Americans without having to sit there with their backpack in their lap until it passes.

So what are you waiting for? A invitation to Mar-a-Lago to have dinner with the president? Well guess what? Every teen boy who orders a year's supply of TestoBoost! for Teens™ will have a chance to meet President Trump or one of his sons. That's right. A numerical chance!*

*Zero is a number.