Philadelphia, PA - From the very beginning of the first debate between presidential candidates Donald Trump and Kamala Harris, it was obvious that something historic was happening.
"It was an impressive performance from the former president," Republican strategist Mark Grogan explained. "He landed the first hard blow when he expressed concern for our nation's pets. People love their dogs and cats like family and this is a man who understands the meaning of both those words. Love AND family. Harris never recovered after that."
Even some of Trump's most vocal opponents, who I assume are real people and not just Trump using a fake accent over the phone, are admitting how masterful his debate performance was. Self-proclaimed chronic Trump derangement syndrome sufferer, and wealthy elite transgender dog groomer, Vanderbilt Carmichael III, realizes how Harris fell right into Trump's trap. "He was definitely playing 5D Chutes and Ladders, and Kamala is right at the top of that really long chute where she is going to fall down perhaps 50 or maybe even 60 of those squares, which is, by the way, what all the polls are saying I, I mean he, won the debate by."
Leave him alone! He is trying his best!