It's Going to be Okay, Area Straight White Man Says

Montpelier, VT - As millions of Americans begin the difficult process of coming to terms with the results of the presidential election, with some fearing the worst for the country, one voice is cutting through the grief and anger with needed words of reassurance.

Bartram, shown here confused by how the women at work today were acting so despondent because he remembers how bad the Bush administration was and the world didn't end

"I'm as upset as the next guy," Clark Bartram, a straight white cisgender male accountant from Montpelier, explained to a gathering crowd earlier today. "Like I told my two sons last night when MSNBC called Pennsylvania for Trump, just hang in there guys. Then they had nice chats with their Canadian girlfriends and went to bed."

For many supporters of Kamala Harris, the Trump victory came as a complete shock given the apparent excitement and recent polling. According to Bartram, politics is often full of surprises. "Winners can be hard to predict and we lost this round, but the fight isn't over. Focus on tomorrow and don't let emotion get the better of you."